Beating Back Shame With Jacob Sokol – The Answers From Leadership Podcast Episode 5

Today’s guest on The Answers From Leadership Podcast is Jacob Sokol. Jacob is an amazing man doing even more amazing things.

For years, he worked for an awesome IT company. He made a nice living and enjoyed the cliche things in life.

Everything changed in 2009 when he took 5 weeks off from work to backpack throughout Europe, alone! He came back to New York City a changed man and slowly started to figure out how he would alter my life accordingly…

We can overcome shame

Show Notes:

Tell us about the paradox of life you were experiencing:

We’re told a story about what it means to be success or happy
He’d reached the pinnacle of this story with his successful IT job, car, and motorcycle… He realized that there was still something missing
There was fear of revealing that he felt he had something wrong with him
He knew he couldn’t go on the living his life in the direction it was going
He was willing to look stupid on the path to finding himself

What were some of those stupid things you were willing to do?

He would set himself up for random challenges
One thing that was out of his comfort zone
He turned his life into a big inquiry
There were 2 big questions: Who am I? and What am I here to do?

What did you find out about yourself by being true to yourself?

The things that caused him that suffering were actually his greatest gifts
He felt unlovable but that’s not what he truly was
The struggles we face point us in a direction that shows us we have a unique set of skills and empathy for those who have gone through the same things
Our thoughts cause us a lot of shame
Our thoughts don’t define us as a person. We have them. They are there. We don’t have to act on them

Who did you talk to about those shameful feelings?

A nice old shrink
There was a lot of shame in going to see a therapist
People will question your choice to get helpThings about shame:

Things about shame:

It’s one of the most dangerous parts about being human
There’s a difference between guilt and shame
Shame is feeling or thinking “I am something wrong”
Quote- It’s really hard to build on top of shame. It’s like trying to build a house on sand
Empathy is what eradicates shame

Was it only the therapist who helped you overcome your sense of shame? Or were there others?

Both
The therapist allowed him to bring some of his deep, dark secrets to life
He helped him to explore why he thought his secrets were abnormal
Finding a community who he could share himself with helped as well
One of the great things about an intimate relationship is that we begin to discover there are people who can love, what we thought, are the unlovable parts of us
Shame can still creep back in

Do we have to expose what we feel shameful about to realize they’re not shameful things?

Some words of caution:
Do this with people you feel safe with
Ask permission when sharing these shameful thoughts

Can you tell us about your project Sensophy?

It exists to help people get what their souls are longing for
What he loves helping people do is get what they don’t realize they actually want right now

Resources Mentioned:

Book – Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

Brene Brown TED talks

Sensophy

Additional Show Notes:

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Question: Do you know what your calling is? If so, what is it? If not, what’s holding you back?

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