Fighting To Be Right

Sometimes I think the need to be right is a deep down desire…

We argue with those we love, push people away, and make others feel worthless. All because we FEEL we need to be right.

Have you ever found yourself in that situation before?

Man punching someone in the face

Image by Daniel Morris

I have. Even recently.

My wife and I were looking for our water bottles that we refill. They were missing and we couldn’t find them.

When I returned home from a long day at work, I noticed something in the bathroom. There was one of the water bottles.

We then had a “conversation.”

Me: Hey honey. I found one of the water bottles.

Her: Where at?

Me: In the bathroom. You must have put it there.

Her: No, I didn’t bring anything into the bathroom today.

Me: You must have. It’s in there now.

Her: I said I didn’t put it in there. Maybe it was you.

Me: No, I didn’t put it there…

The conversation continued a little while longer with similar comments made. Both of us sticking to our guns.

Looking back at the conversation, it was really pointless. It did not encourage our marriage.

Instead it brought out the desire to be right in the moment.

Instances like this can do great harm to a marriage. It lets little things in.

By fighting to be right, we

  • Can bring resentment into our marriage. When one, or both, of the partners in a marriage desires to be right, it can cause the other partner to become disheartened. They feel like they’re being one-upped. In the end, it leads to resentment. And resentment in a marriage is never a good thing.
  • Place a small seed of division into the relationship. Fighting to be right can cause small hurts that lead to one partner backing away. They’re hurt. They’re frustrated. They feel like they’re wrong.

    Eventually it adds up. Getting to the point of extreme hurt and frustration. Eventually these times of “being right” will be brought up in a future argument and can blow up.

  • Cause feelings of inadequacies. The other partner normally feels put down and unloved when situations like this arise. They can see the desire of the other person to be right. They can see how little value is placed on their wants and needs. Finally the partner ends up with a feeling of inadequacy.

You’ve got to be careful. I know. Because I struggle with this. I’m working on it and know it’s something many couples deal with.

If you’re always fighting to be right, something is not right. You’ve got to find a way to give up that fight and become who your spouse needs you to be.

Instead of fighting to be right, give it up. Tell your spouse they’re right. Let them know it’s okay. That you love them.

Give up the fight to be right. Instead pick up another fight.

The Fight To Love Your Spouse.

Question: What do you do when you’re finding yourself fighting to be right? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.

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