Some people struggle to connect with others because they don’t understand what people want. People truly want to be noticed and know that someone cares about them.
Making someone feel noticed and valued can be difficult. Then again, it can also be really simple.
I’ve found the simple way to make people feel they’re noticed and valued is to be interested in them. How do you let them know you’re interested?
Ask questions!
Photo by Mel Lituañas on Unsplash
I experienced this firsthand on a recent ice climbing trip to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan with Jason, a fellow ice climber I’ve climbed with multiple times. He and I made connections with other climbers we had never met before.
How did we do this? We asked questions. Those questions showed we were interested in them. You can do this too!
6 Questions To Ask Those Around You
What kind of questions should leaders be asking of those around them? Similar questions to those Jason and I asked of the ice climbers we met. These questions will perk up your companions, make them take note, and feel valued. These 6 questions can make you grow closer to those around you. Why not ask them?
1. What else are you interested in?:
Your people may enjoy coming to work. They found a place where their talents shine and they feel valued. But what if you could reach deeper?
Asking what else are you interested in gets you to know them on a deeper level. You learn what else drives them forward.
You’ll be surprised at what your people may be interested in. It could be comic books, fountain pens, macrame, and more. As you learn about their other interests, you may even find ways to incorporate their other interests into their work.
2. How did you come to be here?:
Everyone has a different path to your organization. When you ask someone how they got to where they are, they can share life experiences of personal growth, self-reflection, and discovery.
This question helps them to be seen in that they can share their personal journey with you. The twists, turns, and surprises are all a part of their journey.
Listen to your team when they tell you how they got to you.
3. What do you enjoy most about your work?:
While we didn’t ask this question, we did ask similar ones, such as, “What do you enjoy about ice climbing?” When you ask what they like about their work, you may discover that their joy doesn’t come from the work itself but from specific tasks that align with personal goals or ambitions. They see their work as a way to grow.
Discover what your team members love about their work. You may be able to find ways to give them more of the life-giving aspects of their work than the life-taking drudgery.
4. Who else has influenced you?:
One of the ice climbers we met told us about his experience climbing with Conrad Anker, a legend in the ice climbing community. Anker belayed this climber. After climbing, the climber could have belayed Anker, but he was too in awe to do so because of Anker’s influence on him.
Seek out the influences of your team members. As you do, you may even discover why they lead and work the way they do. Different leadership influences will create different kinds of employees. Another thing you can do is send thank you notes to those people who have influenced your people. You can show appreciation for the work and care they poured into others.
Learn who they learned from.
5. Why do you want to do what you’re doing?:
One of the most important questions to ask is why they want to do what they’re doing. This will give you their motivation and reasoning for coming to the office or logging onto the VPN and connecting to the office.
The more you know the why, the more you discover what drives them. Their motivation could be to provide for their family, be a valuable asset to the community, or give back.
Ask why and you may find out your people have a varied response.
6. What else do you want to do?:
Many leaders are scared to ask this question. They incorrectly believe this question will lead people away from their organization. I’ve seen this to do the opposite.
When you ask what else do you want to do, you invite people to dream big. To think about their future within the organization.
By asking what else do you want to do, you give people permission to share their future. You may hear answers such as:
- I would love to be able to lead the department I’m currently working in
- I would love to be able to mentor and grow other teammates
- I would love to dive into the more technical side of things and challenge myself
The more you ask “What else,” the more you’re able to see where your people could be placed in the future.
