Everyone Won’t Be Cool With You

There’s an inner longing to be loved and adored. We all want people to like us. You even feel that way, right?

I’m pretty sure you desire to have people like you. I know I want people to like me.

But there’s a problem with wanting everyone to like you and be cool with you.

Even Mr. Freeze found out he could be uncool

Image by Gail Gray

So, what’s the problem? Why shouldn’t we want everyone to be cool with what we’re doing?

That problem is simple. People are going to disagree with you.

Your ideas may not align with the beliefs of others. Your methods may be different from what has been seen. Your personality may rock people the wrong way.

And that’s okay!

Really, it is okay that you won’t click with everyone. We weren’t meant to.

Dealing With Uncoolness

You already know you’re going to rub people the wrong way. I’ve done it and others have done it to me, including Derek Halpern over at Social Triggers.

Honestly, his personality during a webinar really bugged me. It turned me off to Derek and his webinar co-host.

My feelings were hurt. I even stewed over the event for awhile. Replaying what happened in my head.

Do you know what Derek did? Not a thing. He moved on and kept doing work that mattered to him.

Derek’s response after the webinar showed me how to deal with having people not like you. (We’re cool now, right Derek?)

Who Really Cares?

This should be your attitude when dealing with people who have found a reason to dislike you. Who cares? Really…

There’s the possibility of two people truly caring at this point. You and the person who dislikes you.

Maybe there’s a few others as well. That’s if you or the person who’s uncool with you spreads around the information. And that happens.

Yet when others are spreading around the hurt they hold against you, the message usually reflects badly on the person spreading the message.

So, throw your shoulders back, hold your head up high, and say Who cares?

What Really Matters

We’ll always have detractors in our mists. It’s part of leadership. Even the greatest leader of all, Jesus Christ, had those who were uncool with him.

What really matters is those you are cool with. Those you’re leading and those who are willing to follow you.

You’ve got to craft a message that resonates with this audience. They’re the ones who will back you when you’re down. Even when you’re being attacked by those who think your message is uncool.

Focus on your tribe. Let them know they’re special. Be present. And you’ll be cool with them.

Question: How do you react when someone is uncool with you? Please share your story in the comment section below.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • Very true Joe. Of course I want to be cool with everyone:) However the more I am ok with not being cool with everyone the more growth I am having. Both personally and with my platform.

    • Me too Zechariah. We all have that innate desire to be cool with everyone and to not make enemies. Unfortunately, the real world doesn’t work that way. When we do come across those people, we’ve got to be okay with it.

  • Steve Daniel

    Being a preacher’s kid, I guess I have seen the gambit of emotions when it comes to people. If he waited at the end of the service until the benediction prayer was done before leaving the pulpit, then he liked the people up front more. If he came down during the prayer and met people at the door, he obviously liked those at the back of the church better. What all of this told me was, you will never make everyone happy. Be yourself and those who love and appreciate you will be there. The rest will either respect your choices or move out of your life soon enough. I guess that is why most of my life I let stuff flow. I can’t change people and I can live worried that I will offend someone. I am who I am and love me or leave me.

    • That’s a great lesson to learn from that Steve. Doing this also allows you to deal with those who like and appreciate you and move on from those that don’t.

  • SLAM!
    Whoa, Joe. You absolutely blew my mind with this one this morning. (Am I late again? LOL) I was getting it (your point). Then you reminded me of the biggest smack down of all.

    Well, THAT certainly puts things right into perspective, fro us all, now doesn’t it?

    I tend to be pretty reasonable (even if I have to say so myself) when it comes to just about anything ~ even differences of opinion ~ to the point that it isn’t even unheard of for me to change my mind, if you can show me that I am wrong or a better way.

    However. I also tend to have an incredibly low tolerance for rudeness, laziness, nastiness or pure BS. Everything I have fought for, worked towards and prayed for just seems to fly right out the window (and my brain) when confronted with these.

    Joe, I am well aware of my own weaknesses and aggressive tendencies and I am absolutely ashamed when this happens inside of my own head and becomes my reality once again. I don’t want to be THAT person.

    Now, I know what you are going to say and ask… “What do you do, Amber, when you feel this happening? ~So that maybe someone else can use this as well.”

    I remind and even say out-loud- exactly that: “I do not want to be THAT person” (“THAT person” ~ is the old me) And I pray. Hard and fast, (pray endlessly… ) for strength to fight the other me, wisdom to respond correctly and maybe if I am really blessed to be able to turn the tide… and finally for patience ~ so I can really think before I respond (not react) or to choose NOT to respond.

    Joe- I don’t know, but I don’t think “Who really cares” is the answer either though. Not if we are going to make a change in the world. Because I care. Oh poo- not about growing the business, or making money.. But the fact that we (humans) need to truly come to an understanding. The understanding that the shit (that would be life) just isn’t going to get ANY better for any of us until we ALL start caring and respecting (and showing that respect) others.

    Now, I think I know that you are simply talking about the surface (example- some may not approve that we hunt wolves), but I think that the “surface” is what is causing us so many problems these days with the speed of the web and channels like FB and Twitter. I believe we have to be extra vigilant because of this. Not to say we should sacrifice our values or dreams! But to consider what might be motivating these mud-slingers and attempt to set them on a better path to understanding. (If that fails, of course you can certainly borrow my 2×4)

    • Amber-Lee, that’s great that you remind yourself of who and who you do not want to be. If only more of us could grasp and remind ourselves.

      You’re also right that this was meant more as the surface level attacks against us or, even, by us. We can’t let the opinions of others direct our paths. We can still, however, try to show others the correct path. Not everyone will take the hints, and from those people we’ve got to move on. Or so I feel.

      • You are right. I know that. It is just so hard to know (feel?) each one is a fail, lost to us. Maybe the next person can bring them along though… ya think?

        • I think so. I kind of relate it as to how people come to faith. We each plant seeds and the person may not like what you’re sharing. However, at some point, someone will come along with just the right words. Our words may not have been what they needed to hear at the time but they added to the words someone will speak to them at some point.

          • So wise. And true- and I DO believe this. I plant seeds all over the place these days- you never know which may grow and which may only need a bit of light or water to begin!!

  • I’m cool with you, Joseph. Just saying…

  • Shing Degano

    Another way of transpiring it would be…you can’t please everybody no matter how much you try. And that’s okay. It’s less heartache knowing the truth of the matter–not taking it personally when someone or some people have missed your mark. I say it’s their loss and may be even their own demise. What matters is really those ones that will stand with you, behind you and before you and thus, making it worthwhile to remain focused because of their loyalty–following your craft. Let that be your “muse” for your artform…Thanks for this post, Joe.

  • I used to be very defensive and self-conscious about keeping others liking me. However, leadership requires voicing your thoughts and not everyone is going to agree with you. I say the biggest thing I’ve done is to be myself and stay authentic.

    • Paul, you’re doing what needs to be done then. Being yourself and staying authentic are two keys to great leadership.

  • I have a few people who are majorly uncool with me 🙂 I’ve learned to move past what they say and focus on why I’m doing what I do.

  • This is such a hard thing when we are driven by our need to be accepted. I mentor a teen girls group, and this issue is huge from the minute they turn thirteen, and still happens at 63! I’ll be sharing this with them!
    It comes down to placing value on the bigger things in life, and paying attention to all the ways the Creator expresses how much you’re worth to Him, then the other opinions will never compare 🙂