Controlling Your Emotions By Using Emotional Intelligence

October 21, 2013 — 32 Comments
Controlling Your Emotions By Using Emotional Intelligence | Joseph Lalonde

Thursday night I had the pleasure of sitting down and having a conversation with Linda Hoenigsberg over Google Hangouts.

It was such a joy to discuss emotional intelligence and how we can learn to control our emotional state.

Watch the video below to see our emotional intelligence discussion.

What you’ll learn in the video:

How emotions effect the workplace and your ability to lead: Linda shares a shocking story on how a leader missed being aware of the emotional environment and what this did to her.

What you can do to calm the emotional environment in your workplace: Emotions can run wild within an organization. People are interacting with one another and signals can get crossed. Learn what you can do to calm the emotional storms when they arise.

Discover how a leader affects the emotional state of their workforce: Leaders have quite a bit to do with the emotional climate. Sometimes there’s steps you can take to move the climate in a better direction.

Resources mentioned:

Daniel Goleman and his books about emotional intelligence

Linda’s free eBook: The Any Time, Anywhere Mindfulness Tool Kit: 10 Quick Ways To Reboot Your Brain On The Fly. She’ll be releasing this eBook free on her website shortly.

Question: How could the ability to control your emotions change your life? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.

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  • http://lorrainemariereguly.wordpress.com/ Lorraine Marie Reguly

    It sound like you got a puppy! I’ve done Hangouts before, and know that the camera jumps to the source of the sound… Good for you for filling the void of your recent loss with another dog to love. Tell me about him/her!

    Sorry, this has nothing to do with your question, although you are seemingly more EMOTIONALLY UPBEAT in the video! :)

    By the way, good choice of T-shirt. You look like your new photo! :)

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      No, no puppy Lorraine. That was our other dog Leviticus. He’s a 12 year old Whippet/Rat Terrier. He’s a great dog as well. There won’t be another dog addition until he’s gone, don’t want to take time and attention away from him now.

      • http://lorrainemariereguly.wordpress.com/ Lorraine Marie Reguly

        Oh, thought you only had Duke. (That was his name, wasn’t it?)

        The dogs made the video entertaining. :)

        • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

          Thankfully no, we had our other dog to help us through that difficult time with Zane.

          • http://lorrainemariereguly.wordpress.com/ Lorraine Marie Reguly

            Drat. I knew it was a four-letter name. Sorry about that.

            I’m glad you still have Leviticus – focus on what you have, not what you don’t.

            • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

              No problem Lorraine. It happens. If he was still around, he wouldn’t hold it against you.

  • rcsinclair952

    Good timing for me. I am finally getting around to reading the book by Daniel Goleman right now. (Although I am cheating. I have it on my mp3. — Car reading.) Emotional Intellegence is excellent, must-to reading!

    Being an emotional person myself, this is great information to hear.

    Great interview, guys. It gets four barks!! lol.

    • http://www.lindalochridge.com/ Linda Lochridge Hoenigsberg

      Thanks! For the barks I mean! LOL. I took a course on Emotional Intelligence during my undergrad and then got to come back and co-teach that same course a few years later. We used Goleman’s book as a text. It was excellent. It’s really fun to take an assessment to see where we are on the scale too.

      • rcsinclair952

        Just checked the website.

        Can’t wait to read the ebook.

        • http://www.lindalochridge.com/ Linda Lochridge Hoenigsberg

          Thanks! I am submitting it to my web developer today so it will be up very soon. Thanks for the visit!

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      Awesome Bob. Gotta get the read time in any way you can, glad you’re taking advantage of your time in the car.

  • Bill | LeadershipHeartCoaching

    Great video interview, Joe and Linda

    Just to comment how important I believe E.I. really is, Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence was my first required read when I enrolled in my graduate school for leadership. To this day, it’s still one of my favorite books and I reference it often

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      Oh wow, that’s awesome Bill. Another recommendation for the book means I’ll have to pick it up. What was one of your biggest takeaways from Emotional Intelligence?

      • Bill | LeadershipHeartCoaching

        Goleman does an excellent job of explaining how and why emotional hijackings occur – you know those little outburst we all seem to have at times in our lives. He goes into a scientific explanation of how the amygdala takes control of the neocortex, but he writes in such a way that it’s easily understood by the layman. I really enjoyed the book

    • http://www.lindalochridge.com/ Linda Lochridge Hoenigsberg

      I actually got to co-teach a college course using that book as well. It is my favorite on that subject.

  • http://zechariahnewman.com/ Zech Newman

    Great interview. Being present and explaining intention, impact is so huge. Thanks for sharing Joe and Linda.

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      That it is Zech. How do you make yourself present?

      • http://zechariahnewman.com/ Zech Newman

        Well several things but I think tops on the list are to control my breath and to be conscious of data vs. meaning making. When I get into meaning making it takes me away from the present and adds drama.

    • http://www.lindalochridge.com/ Linda Lochridge Hoenigsberg

      You are very welcome Zech.

  • http://www.pauljolicoeur.com/ Paul Jolicoeur

    Every leader is faced with situations when their emotions are stretched and opportunities to “blow it” arise. What is important in those situations is being able to recognize when we are starting to become agitated. This is the first step in being able to control those emotions.

    • http://www.lindalochridge.com/ Linda Lochridge Hoenigsberg

      Absolutely Paul! It’s what I teach in my Dialectical Behavior Skills groups…recognize the emotion when it begins and use some skills to slow it down. I really needed to practice that on! I think the hardest time to do this is when we feel blindsided. That’s why it’s good to practice it ahead of time. Thanks for commenting!

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      Paul, I’m with you. If we’re able to recognize what our emotions are beginning to do, we can take control and mold them into constructive feelings.

  • Jeff

    I love utilizing my emotions. My emotions are what propel me into the next new thing. They up the ante on my life. When my emotions are going haywire, I know it’s time to do something new, fun, or physical.

    Nowadays, I can also feel when my emotions are on the verge of becoming dead and bad, so I preemptively do something new or creative to liven me up again.

    • http://www.lindalochridge.com/ Linda Lochridge Hoenigsberg

      Hi Jeff. I know what you mean. We certainly don’t want to tamp down all emotionality…not even the negative ones! It wasn’t until I learned a rather extreme sport that I knew what it was like to feel adrenaline course through my body in a way that was thrilling. I never wanted that ride to end. And when I begin to feel discontent or like you said, on the verge of becoming dead, it makes me want CHANGE! I want to do something new. I think though, that when negative emotions hijack our thinking brain in times we need to respond is when having some control is a good idea. Thanks for your comment!

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      Jeff, that’s a great point you bring up. It’s not always about dampening our emotions or cutting them off. We’ve got to listen to what our mind is telling us.

      What are some of the creative or new things you have done to liven yourself up?

  • Juana_Storm

    This to me is so important. I am a very a emotional person and I got blamed all the time from my ex-bosses for being the trouble maker as they failed to see my personality why I tended to get passionate about situations that affect me. I think leaders should really be experts on this topic to know what to look for and how to deal with situations when they arise.

    At one point I vowed never to get too emotional at work as it always affected me in a negative way. My bosses then interprets my indifference or lack of emotion as not really caring about the job or others.

    I couldn’t win one way or the other so I quit!

    • http://www.lindalochridge.com/ Linda Lochridge Hoenigsberg

      Hi Juana,
      I have been in situations like that too…it didn’t seem to matter how I was expressing myself, I just didn’t feel I could win. I think the key then is to notice whether it just happened in a specific situation or whether it keeps happening. If so, building some new skills can help. It was certainly what I needed to do, and I am still by no means perfect at it! Thanks for jumping in on this conversation Juana!

      • Juana_Storm

        Thanks for responding Linda,

        There was definitely a problem there as it seemed that I would always be attached because of who I am.

        I am reading a lot now and learning “those skills” now so come hell and high water I won’t be the one to quit next time. I am really learning a lot about myself and your video really helped to shine some light on things.

        • http://www.lindalochridge.com/ Linda Lochridge Hoenigsberg

          I’m so glad to hear it Juana. I know that I am a lifelong learner, and handling my emotions has been one of the biggies in my own life!

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      That’s so disappointing to hear Juana. Leaders need to realize every person that’s underneath them responds to stimuli in different ways. To be cognizant of this fact can make even mediocre leaders great leaders.

      • Juana_Storm

        Thanks Joe,
        I know all this now. I think that most leaders have the wrong idea about leadership. “One must know how to lead to be a leader.” I think the problem lies with workers that are independent and do no rely much on the “Team Leader” I think some see it as an insult and right there and then that worker is blacklisted or targeted as ………………..

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