5 Ways to Savor Your Marriage Relationship

March 28, 2012 — 30 Comments
5 Ways to Savor Your Marriage Relationship | Joseph Lalonde

Today, I am writing as a contributor to the Christian Writers Blog Chain. The theme for March is “Savor.” If you are a Christian author or writer, be sure to check out Christianwriters.com to network with others.

The statistics for marriages can be downright disappointing.

Divorce is widespread. Affairs and flings appear to be common. Married couples are at an all-time low.

It may seem that marriages are dying and yours may be next.

But that doesn’t have to be the case. You can have an amazing marriage. It just takes a little bit of work.

Are you willing to put in the effort?

Statue of a couple in Denmark

Photograph by Derpunk

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.
– Doug Larson

Here are five ways to save your marriage and savor the relationship:

  1. Let your spouse spend time with their friends: As much as I like spending time with my wife, there are times when I know I need to be around other people.
     
    My friends have qualities that my wife does not.

    They can be competitive. They are rougher than my wife. They are wild.

    They bring out different parts of my personality. They allow me to express myself in a different way.

    When I come back, I feel like a better husband.

    Try it and I’m sure you will too.


  2. Get them something they will enjoy: Buy her some flowers. Take her out to dinner. Get her a card.
     
    Your spouse will appreciate the small gifts and actions you take towards her. She’ll see the care and time you put into making her feel special.
  3.  

  4. Be active with your spouse: Pam and I have been taking frequent walks after dinner. It has helped improve our relationship and I know it can help yours.
     
    Walking allows us to touch base and reconnect. We’re able to discuss our day and the thoughts we’ve had. We also point out houses, cars, etc that we like as we walk past them

    This helps us to get to know each other better.

    We also do more physically demanding activities. Cross-country skiing, hiking, and backpacking are a few that we have done.

    When you’re doing these activities as a couple, you have to watch for signals that both of you are giving off.

    Are you going to fast for your spouse to keep? Is this trail too aggressive? Is your spouse getting tired?

    By watching and being attentive, you’ll learn the signs they give off. Not only will this help you out on the trails, it will help you recognize the signs during everyday life.

  5. Do small acts of kindness: Rub her back. Make dinner for her. Make her something special.
     
    Little things go a long way to increase the quality of your marriage. Letting her know you care and did something to make her feel special will bring lasting results.
  6.  

  7. Spend Time Apart From Each Other: This is similar to item one but it needs to be said.
     
    There’s an old saying “Time apart makes the heart grow fonder.” And I must say it is true.

    During the first 6 years of our marriage, my wife had a grueling work schedule. She would leave the house at 7am and return at 7 or 8pm. With these hours, there was little time for us to spend together. And it’s not something I would recommend for other couples.

    This wreaked havoc in our marriage but it also did something else. It caused me to savor the moments her and I were able to spend together. Those moments seemed sweeter. They were special. They were treasured.

    Now that her schedule is at a slower pace and not the 50+ hours a week she was working, we can take for granted the time we have together. So we have to allow ourselves to take some time away just for ourselves. Whether it be a few hours or a weekend trip, the time apart makes us long to be together again.

    When we come back together, there are sparks and the passion is much easier to rekindle.

As you can see, creating a relationship that you can savor will take some work. But in the end it will be worth it.

You’ll have a constant companion. Someone you can rely on. To share your burdens with. To enjoy life with.

You’ll have a relationship you will savor.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
– Mignon McLaughlin

Question: Do you savor your marriage relationship? If you’re not married, do you have relationships that you savor? How do you maintain this feeling? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.

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  • http://tcavey.blogspot.com/ TCAvey

    #1 and 5 are so important. I know couples who don’t spend time outside their marriage and often one of them is feeling suffocated but they won’t mention it for fear of hurting the other.

    Life is busy- it can be hard to juggle work, family, church, commitments and spending time in leisure activities. My spouse and I try to balance it all through God- what would he have us do each day? That is how we manage- plus we spend daily time together in prayer and Bible scripture.

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      Exactly TC. I’ve seen it happen and when everything blows up, it is not pretty.

  • http://talesofwork.com/ kimanzi constable

    I think one of the biggest lie’s out there is that love is a feeling, it’s not. Just like the quote you had at the end says, love is a decision. When people think they lost that feeeling of love is when they cheat or the marriage is over because they think they have that feeling for someone else. The Bible clearly tells us what love is:

    “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

    When we look at marriage we have a clear command to love our wives as Christ loved the church (pretty big standard!) Great post Joe, I’ll be getting flowers for my wife today ~_^

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      I know your wife will love the flowers!

      • http://talesofwork.com/ kimanzi constable

        Thanks for the inspiration with this post Joe.

  • Pegg Thomas

    Your recommendations are good. Another is to respect each other. Respect and love are not the same thing, but they are joined at the hip in a marriage. Or at least, they should be! Hubs and I will celebrate our 30th anniversary in June – Lord willing – and it hasn’t been easy, but few things of lasting value are easy.

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      Congratulations on 30 years! That is quite an accomplishment!

  • Mike greig

    My hat’s off to you sir. There are too few people around who value marriage highly these days. Excellent post.

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      Thanks Mike. You’re right, marriage isn’t valued now. It’s just a quick trip to end and be done with it. More people need to stand up and fight for their marriages.

  • http://jonstolpe.com/ Jon Stolpe

    Yes, I do savor my marriage relationship. Two ways we have found to keep this going:

    1) Get away without the kids and without the other distractions of life at least one (preferably twice) a year). Last year, we took a trip to Cape Cod without the kids.

    2) Periodically, attend a marriage conference. Last month, we attended FamilyLife Weekend to Remember conference in Hershey, PA. It was well worth the investment!

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      Sounds like you’re doing great things for your marriage Jon! I remember you posting about the marriage retreat. Made me want to attend it next year!

  • Carol Peterson

    Great list, Joe. Taking walks together is a big one for my husband and I.

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      Thanks Carol. We’ve had some great weather for this time of year and Pam and I have been walking quite a bit. It’s been so nice with no snow and being able to get out together again.

  • http://chrisvonada.com chris vonada

    Good stuff Joe!! I am not married at this time but am in a committed relationship… there is one item I would add… knowing your spouses’ love language and their Myers-Briggs personality type would be very helpful in your relationship. Very important, not only knowing these things, but uber important to being able to keep their love tank overflowing…

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      Agreed Chris! Knowing your spouse’s love language can help avoid many conflicts.

      I haven’t taken the Myers-Briggs test. How have you seen that help in relationships?

      • http://chrisvonada.com chris vonada

        yep, knowing your Myers-Briggs will help you better understand yourself and how you relate to other people… knowing your mate’s type will help you understand them! You can take it at myersbriggs.org or at humanmetrics.com, then just google your type to find out more.

        • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

          Thanks Chris. We’ll have to check it out.

  • http://danblackonleadership.com/ Dan Black

    These are some great points. I recently bought my wife flowers because while I was talking with her she told me everything she was doing during the day. I bought them to show how proud I was of her for all of her hard work. Having a successful marriage is hard work, it takes being intentional about the relationship and marriage. Again great post.

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      Awesome Dan! I bet she appreciated those flowers!

  • http://www.debragrayelliott.blogspot.com/ Debra Gray Elliott

    Great points worth paying attention to and savoring.

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      Thanks Debra. Do you have any other tips on improving a marriage?

  • http://tracibonney.com/ Traci B

    Excellent post! I’m single and waiting on God, but I have friendships I savor because we don’t get together often. When we do have a chance to meet for a meal or just a visit, there’s always something new to talk about, even if we were IMing or texting the day before. Electronic communication is fun and can be informative, but nothing beats face time with a friend or loved one.

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      Traci, you’re doing the right thing by savoring the friendships you currently have while single. I love your suggestion of meeting face to face. It brings relationships to a whole new level.

  • http://TheWriteChris.blogspot.com/ Chris Henderson

    One of the things that makes a marriage work is believing it is a covenant relationship and not just one of convenience

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      Amen Chris!

  • http://collingszone.wordpress.com/ Adam Collings

    Some brilliant and creative thoughts here Joseph. I will see how many of these I can implement in the coming week. I have an incredible wonderful wife.

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      Thanks Adam. Would you be willing to share any suggestions on how you maintain a great relationship with your wife?

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  • http://alanamokma.wordpress.com/ Alana Mokma

    I have recently considered asking Josh to go on walks with me in the evening before/after dinner. We spend time cycling together, but it is usually such a workout for me that I do not talk much. :) I feel like the walks would be a great way to get in a little exercise and have time to communicate as well.

    Josh and I work the same schedule (8a-5p) but I have noticed during the weeks that we both have a lot going on that we tend to get snippy with each other. I think the biggest reason for this is that we don’t have time to communicate and we both end up feeling misunderstood or unheard. Again – another great reason for the walks!

    Thanks for the tips, Joe!

    • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

      Hope you’re able to get Josh to go on the walks with you. It’ll be time well spent.

      Are there any other activities that you could do together that might open up the lines of communication?