4 Reasons You Need To Stop Asking Why Me?

I’m pretty sure there’s not a person out there who hasn’t asked “Why me?” This question has almost become default for many people today.

Every time something bad happens, they automatically ask why bad things happen.

But asking Why Me won’t really help you. In fact, asking this question hinders you more often than anything else.

You might be asking yourself Why Me?

Image by Anne Hornyak

We’ve got to begin shifting our mindsets and asking better questions. Why me has to be one of the least productive questions to ask yourself.

Why? I’m glad you asked. What you’ll find in this post is the answer to that question and why you need to stop asking Why Me?

1. Asking why me? places the focus on you: We’ve got to get over the thought the world revolves around us. It doesn’t. We’re just one more person on the rock that’s circling the sun.

When you ask Why me?, we’re looking at ourselves. There’s so many reasons something can happen to you or me. It’s not dumb luck or a curse. It’s just life.

Bad things happen. But it’s not because of you.

2. Asking why me? doesn’t offer any solutions:Think about when you ask the question, why me? If you got an answer, would it really make anything better?

I highly doubt you’d see an improvement. You’d probably get an answer you wouldn’t like.

Instead of asking Why me?, ask a better question.

You could ask: What could I do to avoid this situation next time? or Is the person who cut me off going through a rough time? or How can I make this better?

Looking for solutions helps with the problems. Focusing on you narrows the scope of the true problem.

3. Asking why me? brings a victim mentality: Society has begun to create a mindset that everyone is a victim. No one has to take responsibility for anything anymore. It’s not their fault.

You take any strength you may have had and give it away. You willingly put yourself into a position of weakness.

Honestly, you’re not that weak. And you’re, more than likely, not a true victim. You just hold the mindset of a victim.

Don’t be held back by thinking you don’t have a choice in what happens to you. You have the ability to get up, walk away, and move on.

4. Asking why me? leads to feeling depressed: If asking why me? brings out a victim mentality, it also can lead to depression. When you’re feeling powerless and weak, you have a hard time feeling good about yourself.

Depression can easily come about when we feel like we have no control.

Decide today that the question Why me? needs to be stripped from your vocabulary. Why me? doesn’t move you forward. It only keeps you trapped in the past.

You’re better than that. You can move forward. You can ask a better question when Why me? pops into your head.

Question: Why do you ask yourself Why me? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • Steve Daniel

    I learned about a decade ago that everything has a purpose in my life. Some things are great and are total blessings. Other things are what I like to call “blessings in disguise”. These are the things that seem evil and harmful and sometimes cost you financially, socially, mentally or in a vast number of other ways. The one thing I have found out about these “evil” things, is that I have learned something from most of them. Sometimes it took months or years to put the blessing together with the bad things, some I’m still waiting to put the blessing with the problem. I really try not to see the bad or the get involved in the “Why Me” factor now. It’s not profitable and simply stalls you out. I have seen this in my family and it bothers me that they don’t get it. I can’t stop making progress. None of us can afford that “Hotel California” pit fall.

    • That’s an awesome way to look at things Steve. There’s blessings hidden everywhere.

  • Great advice! I totally agree about the victim mentality. Our society has slowly led everyone to believe that we’re constantly being victimized. Thanks for the great tips.

    • Paulette, you brought up a great point. The world has gotten people to buy into the lie that we’re all victims. What can you or I do to help reverse this process?

  • Hungry_Healthy_Happy

    Great post! I agree with you about the whole victim thing.

    • Thanks! How are you overcoming those negative thoughts?

  • Asking “Why” really does lead to procrastination, blaming, and victim thinking – I love John G. Miller’s books on the “Question Behind the Question,” but I also am a bit sensitive to this topic, as all too often I catch myself saying something silly, like “why do I have to deal with this.” Let’s all do our best to move to “What can I do to make the situation better?”

    • John’s book is great and a true help in getting over the Why Me? thoughts.

  • Yes, spot on Joe. It’s very frustrating to be around a person who has a “why me” mentality. It is like a virus. The effects of the “why me” mentality is contagious. As leaders, I believe we need to really facilitate the process of “healing” for these folks who struggle with a “why me” mentality. I definitely think there’s a deeper, underlying issue when people struggle with “why me.” Usually it could come from a low sense of self-esteem or self-worth. As leaders, we ought to care like I shared on my post today. http://paulsohn.org/why-the-best-leaders-arent-afraid-to-use-the-provocative-c-word/ Then people are going to open up and be more vulnerable.

    • I like how you likened the Why Me? thoughts to a virus. It’s so true and they can easily infect those who aren’t that type of thinker.

  • RcMaFitness

    Well, as arrogant as this may sound, I don’t often ask myself the why me question. This, of course, isn’t to say that I’m a taker. The thing is why me is very unproductive. Case example: You’re playing your heart out, giving your very best, but it isn’t working out. You’re making a historical “fool” of yourself, but you keep on moving because you’ve a game to play. You feel like stopping, but you can’t afford that. You feel under severe scrutiny, and must certainly in need to disappear after the game is over. You’ve lost the game, your score? 1. The other team? 7. What a whopper! Well, that’s a true story. Brazil vs. Germany, World Cup 2014. It left the country of Brazil in shock! Furthermore, it left the German players wondering if they were playing with a set of clowns instead of — professional — soccer players. The lesson? Very simple, improve your game — mentally & physically. Life is one serious game after another. Own your wins. Own your losses. It’s human to ask ourselves why me from time to time, but that can’t become a mindset. Great reminder Joe, thank you!

    • That’s awesome you’re at the point where you find yourself rarely asking Why me? Moving away from that mindset is a feat!

  • “Why me? Why am I stuck when others are thriving?” – These are the thoughts I struggle with sometimes. Thanks for the reminder to re-think when my thoughts turn to “Why me?”

    • I’m with you Rick. It’s easy to struggle with those thoughts. It’s moving past them and into right thinking that we need to do.

  • I was once there. That mentality is toxic. It drags the people around you down with you. Thankfully, I snapped out of it a few years ago after getting out on my own. Now, when I see this mentality start to play out I always think, “why are they acting that way?” I try to put myself in their shoes and figure out a way to gently steer them out of it. I wonder how I can help them realize it is not their fault, it is not something they can control, and try to keep them focused on the positives. It’s a big big world out there. You are just a small piece of the puzzle. In some ways that’s overwhelming and in some ways that is a relief. You don’t have to be perfect. Just focus on the positive and repeat.

    • Congrats on snapping out of the mentality Derek. That’s so tough but you’re proof it’s possible.

  • Yep. And I agree with so much that Derek and Steve shared as well. I was neck deep in it and in plain language- it is simply a lazy and feel sorry for poor me attitude. Not only do I feel a whole lot more capable now without that mindset, but it also helps others to get past that whip-lash of “Why me” as well.
    It IS frustrating when you see your teammates or close friends or family wallowing in it- but part of what I came to understand over these last years is how HARD it is to pull yourself out of it – alone. It is a personal move. But it helps to know that you and I have felt it too- and felt the difference, now that we have recognized it for the useless thought it truly is.
    Thank you, Joe, for another one. You are a true blessing in my life.

    • You make a great point that it’s tough to pull out of the Why Me mentality by ourselves. It’s another great reminder community is so important.

  • Yasser Arif

    Nice one Joe, the thing is “”why me?” that It happens a lot and happens with all people.. feeling like a victim won’t help..instead i think one should ask “why not?”
    such as: I didn’t work hard enough..so this is the result..

    because asking why me is just like i’m kidding myself..not to mention in case of a leader or team leader.. this will hurt the whole team. Thanks again.

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